Since the birth of my first daughter almost 12years ago now, I have suffered post natel depression.
It took a back seat after babies 2,3 and 4, and reared its ugly head again after Stevens birth.
It has taken over my life, robbed me of my confidence, stopped me being me, has made me paranoid and anxious, and turned me into a shouty mum who i dont like to be.
I have been medicated since the spring and until recently I have been ok, not great but ok. But lately the meds dont seem to be working as well. i have an appointment next week to sort things out and get new medication maybe, or an increase.
I dont want to be like this anymore, and I dont want to hide it behind a facade of 'hey i'm ok' because I'm not. I am struggling, and i dont, dont like it. Not one bit.
I want to be me. I want to be confident. I want life back how it used to be.
I dont want to be pushing away those that love me the most, and hurting them becuse of the blackness thats engulfing me.
I will get out of this pit, I think i just need a longer ladder than before.